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April 13, 2017 (day 44)
I must admit this is feeling a bit like a writing marathon. Only three days remain and I am ready to head for the hills. Honestly, evenings are when the clouds of grief arrive, and looking through my photos does not help the cause. I began my day early this morning and continue to push the envelope into these evening hours. A lesson I will keep learning until I don’t need to anymore. I have the end of the race want to bail. The “this is hard” voice and… what about xyz?!….a broken window by a garage attendant in our car. (No one hurt, just life is messy). A dear family friend with a difficult diagnosis, questions about where to live, and I just heard, enough. All is well. Feed the good wolf and go to bed darlin’.It is so fitting for Holy Week, this discomfort. I am the metaphorical marathoner I will be cheering on come Monday along Beacon St, when the miles in the 20’s prove to be “HOW MUCH LONGER?” And cheers to you marathoners. Thanks to Sal and Mocha my new endeavor is spinning. It is challenging and currently comical to try to pedal fast while simultaneously doing push ups and other things with my upper body. They assure me it will come, and I feel like I’m learning a new dance. It completely occupies every ounce of me and there is no choice except to be present.One of my meditation calendars (Marianne Williamson) today spoke about distinguishing between potential and capacity. Interesting, did I read that page last year? Potential a tricky word as it can keep us stuck in the future of what is possible, something OUT THERE. Capacity literally means “the power of containing”. And I don’t think she was talking about a half pint of Ben and Jerry’s. Action yes. Ice cream, no. It’s a bit like a game of dominoes…one single action sets something in motion to build momentum toward opening. Ideas can be floating in potential OR they can become working functioning concrete and fluid action. What I know to be true for me, is that I need checks and balances to keep me on track. Commitments. Or I am floating in potential la la land.As my dear friend reminded me today, “practice grasshopper, practice”. And now we rest.xo, b
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