capacity

February 27, 2018 (day 14)

This is how and where I write.  At my desk in my pink office usually in some flannel pajamas.  Still sporting the Christmas trees on different shades of pink trucks.  I loved the spot in our last apartment and I love the spot in this one.  What a gift to dedicate this space for inspiration, playing with my crayons, reading, list making, letter writing, prayer and meditation.

Today was a both/and day.  At work we laughed.  We laughed a lot.  I buzzed in for a quick dinner and reluctantly out to a gathering and commitment on my calendar that I did not want to keep.  The photo above was calling and yet a small voice said “stick with the plan and keep your word.”  And so I did.  No pat on the back necessary.  Just grateful that I now know this voice, different from “push to go at any price.”  The ongoing quest for balance and yet the gifts of stretching a little beyond my comfort zone.  Learning in community.  Expanding my capacity.

capacity: the ability to receive or contain

Luckily I am more aware of the relationships in my life that have expanded my capacity.  To go beyond the limits I have placed on myself.  I was thinking about our Mocha this morning, who taught me about the capacity of my heart. I remember seeing Jack for the first time.  Moving when I was quite content in my life. Service in the community. Walking into a new place for the first time. Reading books I don’t want to but know I will gain something from.  Eating more vegetables.  Inviting people into my life. Sharing the ride.  Expressing fear or sadness or joy a bit more freely.

Because underneath all of the BS, there is some gorgeous and messy and awkward stuff. We must first make a mess in the kitchen to prepare for the feast.  The capacity is about light. See it in others.  Know it in yourself.

Shine on.  Pajamas and all. xo, b

 

 

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