March 16, 2017 (day 16)
Well there they are folks. Things are a bit different in the north when you are looking for signs of spring. I was in Williamsburg two weekends ago and things were in full bloom. It was amazing. And while there are green shoots appearing just above the soil here, we must not rush the cake. I remember this sight last year and wanting to jump for joy. Dear God in heaven. This beautiful sight at the Ace Hardware. Stacks of plastic Adirondack chairs. They a…re not quite as plentiful this go round, but who cares. They are here and therefore they will have a purpose. Eventually. Somewhere in backyards in Brookline and Boston everywhere. Cookouts and evening sitting on the porch. Pick a color any color. But first keep them wrapped up tight for some flurries this weekend.
Enough about the weather. Shifting gears. I was cranky today, and I know it. Impatient with the slowing down dog. On the phone a few times but not totally present. I used to live in this place especially when my son was small and I did not even know it. As my husband called on his way home I warned him. Not you. Not anyone. Just aware and letting you know. And folks that is a miracle. The old script could look very different with me expecting a mind reader or you can’t win whatever you do. What a relief to notice and know. And acknowledge.
There are some unknowns swirling and I am carrying them around. Unnecessarily, I might add. I come from a place of believing I don’t have to go it alone, that I can pause, pray, shout out a cosmic 911 or 411 or whatever is necessary. And most things have a way of working out and unraveling if I am patient. “Accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can AND WISDOM to know the difference”. Oh and let’s not forget it begins, “God, grant me the serenity…” and so I end this day as I could have begun it. I thought I did. And some days you keep drawing or writing and crumbling up the paper.
My wise person who listens to me and asks me the questions I don’t even know I need to answer, reminded me that I need her because I am in an art gallery so close to the painting my nostrils are pressed up against it and I can only see the brushstrokes right at my line of vision. “You need me, or someone, to pull you back by the shirttail to see the whole beautiful painting”. And still I zoom in. And she pulls me back. And gradually I learn to step back on my own. Oh and then there was a skydiving metaphor but we’ll save that for another day.
Rest well. I know I will and can apply the lessons tomorrow. Fresh start. And dreaming of a pink chair.