March 2, 2017 (day 2)
I am headed to a gathering this weekend I look forward to. More than just look forward to really, more like, how did this possibility unfold in my life TWICE A YEAR?! Arms in the air, roll down the windows, and play some great music (like Randall and William on This Is Us) road trip. Today as the day ticks away this daily writing idea seems inconvenient, what was I thinking, oh no one wants to read this much on my page. I need to pack, get ready for book club, pay bills, create a meal, brush and floss, walk the dog from the 9th floor five times, tend to my business. (You get the picture). And if I don’t let myself sit here for 15-30 minutes and just doodle on the keyboard, I’ll never really know, will I?
My good friends know that I am competitive. It can bring me gifts. If THEY can do it so can I. Let’s do these 40 days through gritted teeth if we must. Check the box. OR…go team, we can do anything for an hour together! It can also separate me quickly from the purpose of whatever activity I am engaging in. Like JOY. Getting out of my head and fully being present. Everything from tennis, to bootcamp, baking or house hunting. Or a commitment to write something daily to grow closer to God, good orderly direction goodness and sweet stillness of life in this fast paced busy swirling world.
Day 2. Seriously. I was almost too busy to drive 5 minutes for the Ash Wednesday service at our church last night. I needed to shower….blah blah blah. And there in the silence and gathered intention of people I feel connected and close to, I was reminded of why I am doing this. To learn, to stretch, to be real about where I really am . To pause enough to know something about THAT. Not for the check the box glitter star sticker. Big exhale. I know. And still this stuff is good to see. Our minister asked us to close our eyes and settle into three entire minutes with God and be real about whatever was on our hearts and minds that might be causing worry, stress, fear, anxiety. I have grown to love silence in these midlife years, but there is something magical about intentional silence with a group of people. And at the end of the time, his lovely and familiar voice spoke, “welcome back!”
So here on day 2 as I doodle, I see a connect the dots with this reverent time and exercise. It’s not about how many likes or who I might offend. It’s moving prayer. And I will now transition with “welcome back” as I get moving with the tasks at hand. Big deep breath. I pay more attention to charging my electronics than my body, mind, and spirit some days. Well…that may be extreme. But maintenance can be neglected.
These are the push ups. And they will begin to get easier.