March 28, 2017 (day 28)
(I would like to add a note of thanks to Dee Ann Eckert Donnelly for this photo and quote that came from her desk many years ago. Sometimes the postcards we tuck away come back out exactly when we need them. XO)
I don’t want to be a FB complainer. Ever. Unlike/block exponentially. I have a box of index card ideas for posts I will consider in this home stretch. But not today.
Today went relatively well considering. And I DO want to be real. VERY REAL. I have heard many people describe grief and their experience with it. And today thanks to wise person angel it was recommended to honor Mocha by doing what she taught me to do. Go out and walk. Sniff the sidewalks and greet the people on my path. And so I did. Best I could.
A noontime Lenten service, a walk to the children’s bookstore where I got a big wink at the cash register (TURN, TURN, TURN in big letters on a children’s CD which I referenced yesterday) a walk by glance at a potential spot to live, and a trusty up and down the aisles at Trader Joe’s for a few items. I’m already bored with this reporting. And yet it is life.
Any waves of grief were acknowledged and also washed over with the outpouring of friends, family, and neighbors reaching out in their own amazing way. A call, a comment, a text, even flowers! I laughed and cried. I dug out some old photos because when we got our little brown dog in 2005, I did not have a camera on my phone or even a digital camera (I don’t think!) Dinosaur.
And I am also so very aware that there are many of you and yours who are in the midst of something. Needing prayers for healing or courage or comfort. Patience or discernment or direction. A night off from kiddos or a night in with new baby. Answers about ailing health or ailing finances. Home improvement projects and inside job renovations. And also so much everyday joy. Good news. Refrigerator art.
I discovered/remembered in my letter this morning that we drove to meet Mocha in NJ on Easter Saturday.. And for me on my path with God, goodness, capital L Love as Anne LaMott says…this is amazing. She was my Good News dog who rose from her own ashes. And in turn brought us new life.
Hands down best text was a family friend who helped us with Mocha telling me she had told her young kids our news. One sweet voice said that he knew she was now with his grandfather and Michael Jackson because that’s who everyone in heaven is with. And kids are my touchstone who keep it light and real. And they very well might be moonwalking together past Mocha and her canine angel posse. Cracked me open for much needed laughter. Thank you.
And then came some fun memories. Our cupcake bandit who snuck into the neighbors’ screened in porch during a birthday party and ate half of the red velvet cupcakes, (made with cocoa and a trip to have her stomach pumped). At the blessing of the animals how the minister blessed her and she pulled toward the door and I ignored her, so she pooped right in the great hall, we called it “moved by the spirit”. The time we couldn’t find Jack’s earbuds and I was worried she had eaten them so we took her for an X-ray only to discover she had buried them in her bed.. How our friends’ kids thought she was a circus dog because she walked along the curb like a balance beam. And how Andy created a decoy body on the sofa with pillows so she would stay put wanting to sleep with him.
And today after 12 years…good news. New chapter. Sadness. Lovely memories. Ebb and flow. What’s for dinner. Hiking through some hills, some steeper than others. Another wise old friend described it as “the price of admission”. And isn’t that what love is.