March 30, 2017 (day 30)
Pretty remarkable that this is what just appeared on my screen having just written the words, “sometimes the postcards we tuck away come back exactly when we need them.” And to top it off, some of these players appeared in my morning writing today. Wow.
And I was also writing about goals and new chapter and trusting God, goodness, capital L love.
Five years ago I felt pretty helpless as I watched and read and listened to someone I know from my life …go through the unimaginable. So this impossible feat of training for and running a 10 miler having never run a race before felt like moving prayer. And it was. What I did not know was how in thinking it was for HER, for HIM, it really was FOR ME. And the truth is when I said yes to putting my name in the lottery a part of me hoped there might be the sliver of a chance and excuse that we wouldn’t get in. My friend had invited me, there was a clear motive, I had willingness, and the answer was: YES. Now get to work. Let me say that again for my own heart and brain to comprehend. Invitation. Motive. Willingness. Yes. Action.
I bought a book on grief in December while I was home after the holidays and I did not know why. There must be someone I can send it to?! (“In Loving Memory”) Because it was a lovely collection of writing (compiled by Dan Zadra) with some pretty graphics. And last night in my hungry, angry, lonely, tired (HALT) state, I flipped the pages one by one. And here is what really spoke to me:
“It has been said that there are several ways to mourn. One is to weep; and we have done our share of weeping.
Another way to mourn is to sing: to sing a hymn to life, a life that still abounds in sights and sounds and vivid colors…
We sing the songs of our beloved ; we aspire to their qualities of spirit; we take up their tasks as they would have shouldered them.” (Rabbi Jack Stern, Jr.)
And this FB memory on a FINALLY sunny morning by the window in VERY quiet A909 says, ” Yes, love. Go sing.”