February 14, 2018
I was second guessing the clear instructions that for the next 46 days I am to send out some words into the great unknown, Again? Yes, again. I just had to look up my passwords to even enter this format and domain. I have been on some scenic routes away from writing. Living and loving everyday life. So many gifts and pretty much the ordinary with the extra on the front side of the word if I am wearing my clear lens glasses of grounded and grateful. I made myself a cup of tea, found my glasses, and read one of my favorite writer’s posts about Lent. Or as she said VaLENTine’s Day. I was not raised with any expectation of giving up or giving anything in these liturgical calendar days growing up, and have just found my way to meaning and reflection in doing so over the years. My old preschool teaching partner messaged me asking if I was giving up chocolate as I did for the two years we worked together. I was not fun. I ate a lot of “substitute” non-chocolate things, and was probably a bit like someone trying to give up smoking. And gradually I continue to want to devote a part of my day, my awareness, my heart to an intention and practice and pause with meaningful action.
I just scrolled through the first few days of last year’s Lenten journey. I missed getting to a service at church today or this evening. And it’s just what is this year. So much has happened since I tapped those words out a year ago. A move. Loss of my beloved dog. A son studying abroad. Changing landscape in career. Feeling settled into an expanding life. And yet so much mystery. I noticed feeling pretty settled into routine and rhythm the other day and thought, don’t get too cozy here. Enjoy and stay open to what is and whatever comes.
And I must say, tonight it is tempting to walk away from social media. Like electricity and many other mechanical things in general that I do not understand nor can fix, the photos of flowers and couples and families, balloons and smiles, I cringe a bit. Ouch. It seems a bit contrived and constraining. I love hearts. I worked with someone to design a logo with a heart. Gifts and traditions are lovely and I also know it can be a day that pours miracle grow on loneliness. Married or unmarried. Single or in a relationship. Thank goodness someone taught me that I can be true to myself without making anyone else bad and wrong. I pushed the “on” button on the coffee pot. Brought home a simple treat. Washed the dishes. No pomp and circumstance here. And the password search to start at the very beginning when it was ever so tempting to neglect what I know I am committed to doing.
And in the end, I see that my all or nothing can be a catalyst for action or a brick wall with a quicksand trap.
Taking the yellow brick road….
Good night. God bless.